R:DSAT Chapter 201: I’m Not a Good Person

Luo Wei and Sima Qingsha exited the tent to discuss. Glancing at the pills on the floor, Luo Wei had Wei Lan follow him out and ordered Imperial Physician Wei and Ten to clean up. 

“This medicine can’t be eaten anymore, right?” Sima Qingsha asked Luo Wei, not knowing the inside story. 

“How can it go in mouths when it’s dirty?” Luo Wei replied. “Your Highness, I also don’t like this warm tent. You should change the camping tent for me.” 

“What aren’t you satisfied with?” Sima Qingsha inquired. “Are the subordinates handling your affairs not wholehearted?” 

“It’s too noisy and dark over there.” Luo Wei looked at the surrounding tents, and it seemed that only his and Sima Qingsha’s tents looked decent. He pretended not to realize and pointed at Sima Qingsha’s resting tent, “I like the one next to it.” 

The complexions of the Northern Yan people behind Sima Qingsha turned strange. Only Sima Qingsha carelessly smiled, “Then Yun Qi can live in that warm tent.”  

“Where is Your Highness’s tent located?” Luo Wei deliberately asked. 

“Mine hasn’t been decided yet.” It would not be easy for Sima Qingsha to say now that he wanted to live in Luo Wei’s original tent. 

Luo Wei looked back uneasily. Seeing that Wei Lan was still behind him, he was reassured enough to turn back and converse with Sima Qingsha. 

Wei Lan knew Luo Wei wasn’t trusting him, fearing that there were overlooked pills in the tent that he would pick up. Wei Lan only blamed himself for losing Luo Wei’s trust. He was the one who lied to this person first. 

Having inspected the barracks, Sima Qingsha wanted to go to Eastern Shang’s camp and find Yang Yuansu. 

“You won’t go with me?” Sima Qingsha asked Luo Wei. 

“What would I have to talk about with that Grand Prince?” Luo Wei declined. “Let’s forget it.” 

At that, Sima Qingsha left with his people. 

Luo Wei also did not return to his warm tent. With him in front and Wei Lan behind him, the two of them walked to the north side of the barracks. This place was far from the battlefield ahead, and there were no soldiers walking around and performing their duties. Patrolling Northern Yan sentries saw Luo Wei and Wei Lan standing there but did not move forward, walking far away from them. 

Luo Wei looked at the desolate grasslands of Tian Shui fountainhead, whose boundary couldn’t be seen. Not long after, he also saw a lone goose fly over from the horizon. The sky accumulated thick clouds and gave no sunlight, murky, gloomy, and cold. Luo Wei did not know how long he stood for. Only when he felt his legs numb, did he open his mouth to speak to the identically silent Wei Lan, “Long Xuan gave you those drugs?” 

Wei Lan sidestepped the question, “Young master, i haven’t used that drug.” 

“Didn’t Imperial Physician Wei say so? You haven’t used that drug,” Luo Wei said. “That day you came back and asked me to be wary of Luo Ting Chao, saying you followed Long Xuan and discovered a private house of his. Was it that day? Long Xuan found you, and gave you the drugs? Tell the truth.” Having calmed down, Luo Wei did not need to expend much energy to figure out this matter. 

“Yes.” Luo Wei had hit the nail on the head. Other than the truth, what else could Wei Lan say?  

“I’ve told you to avoid him a bit, why would you still meet with him?” 

Wei Lan opened his mouth, but couldn’t speak. Subconsciously, Wei Lan felt that Long Xuan was making considerations on Luo Wei’s behalf. At the very least, in this matter, he didn’t want to speak ill of Long Xuan. 

“He said it was for me?” Luo Wei asked.

Wei Lan replied, “Young master, I may not be able to protect you now.” 

Luo Wei turned around and walked to Wei Lan’s side. “Lan, do you know what I’d do if you ate that drug?” 

Wei Lan shook his head. 

“I would kill you,” Luo Wei’s hand caressed Wei Lan’s cheek. His hand was ice-cold, and he felt the warm skin beneath his hand gradually chill as well, “Watching you, in the end, have your body fester until you die, I would rather you die without suffering.” 

“Young master,” Wei Lan reached out to grasp Luo Wei’s hand, but Luo Wei avoided him. 

“Finally I’ll go find Long Xuan. Even if I have to pay with a lifetime, I’ll avenge you. I wouldn’t let him die easily,” Luo Wei continued. “After killing Long Xuan, I would find you in the underworld. Didn’t we always speak of Xuan Zhou? Then we’ll be buried together in Xuan Zhou.” 

“Young master don’t say anymore.” Frightened by Luo Wei’s words, Wei Lan wanted to cover Luo Wei’s mouth. “I won’t be like this anymore.”

“Lan.” At this time, Luo Wei did take Wei lan’s hand in his. “I am not a good person, everything is for myself and for selfish profit. You can’t leave before me, because then I will be sad. I would rather you be sad than me.” 

Wei Lan covered Luo Wei’s mouth, begging, “I was wrong this time. Young master don’t speak anymore, I won’t do it again, I don’t have the medicine anymore. I will definitely not let the young master see me die.” 

“Even if I die, you must live,” Luo Wei pried Wei Lan’s hand off, continuing, “Because I want to see you live well.” 

“Without the young master, I…” 

“That’s why I am a selfish person. I will wait for you down below. After you’ve lived a good life, you can come see me. Otherwise I won’t forgive you, and won’t see you again.” 

Hearing Luo Wei’s words, Wei Lan’s entire body rapidly chilled, until the cold reached within his heart. He knew that some words could not be taken as true, but at this moment, Luo Wei seemed cruel and unfeeling in Wei Lan’s heart. Why can you leave first, but I can’t? You would be sad, but not me? But he could not speak this way in front of Luo Wei, and so Wei Lan could not voice these questions. 

“Long Xuan and I are both bad people,” Luo Wei spoke again of Long Xuan, “what’s between him and me, Lan wouldn’t understand. The debt between bad people is not something a person like Lan could understand.” 

“If the young master doesn’t tell me, how can I understand?” Wei Lan retorted. 

“I can’t explain,” Luo Wei replied. “Before I met Lan, I thought that if I had the opportunity, I would take Long Xuan with me to the grave. That way the debt would be repaid. I could reincarnate as a pig or a dog in the next life, anything would be fine, I have no need to be a person again. After meeting Lan, I had plans for myself again. I don’t want to die with him. As long as the Crown Prince can ascend to the throne, as long as he cannot harm my family, I’ll go with Lan to find a place to live out our lives. Lan, I scheme against others in a hundred and one ways, I think to exhaustion. But I’ve never had bad intentions towards you. At least in front of you, i can be a good person.” 

The sky again began to pelt raindrops.

Wei Lan covered Luo Wei and himself with a cloak. Wei Lan felt as if hot oil roiled in his heart, but he still lowered his eyes and said, “I know, I won’t lie to you again. I won’t think of using my life in exchange for yours. Even if the young master is no longer here, Wei Lan will live on.” 

“Long Xuan has never taken human life seriously. I am the same. Human lives in our eyes aren’t worth mentioning. But Lan’s life,” Luo Wei was still gazing into the distance, “is more important than anything else in my heart.” 

Wei Lan seemed to have tears in his eyes, but he could not cry them out. He was a beggar, a filthy Qi Lin Shadow Guard, a plaything, just such a person and nothing more. According to anyone, he was not important. Why would someone whose life was lesser than mole crickets and ants be so important to Luo Wei? 

(T/N: “mole crickets and ants” figuratively means tiny individuals with no power)

“Long Xuan,” Luo Wei brought Long Xuan up again, his eyes flashing with extreme, bitter resentment, “he just can’t see me doing well!” 

Wei Lan did not see the expression in Luo Wei’s eyes at this moment. He didn’t understand what debts could be owed between a prince and the young master of a prime minister’s family, such that they would use each other’s lives as payment. But Wei Lan also did not want to ask. It was also good that the drugs were discovered. Wei Lan had thought of telling Luo Wei; in fact, he was also selfish. He was also scared of death, he was scared to death of it. Now that Luo Wei had discovered those drugs, he didn’t have to feel guilty. Even if he was a burden, he could thicken his face and follow Luo Wei at his side.  

(T/N: to thicken his face means he can act more shamelessly, caring less for one’s respectability and reputation) 

“Sorry, I lost my temper at you,” Luo Wei said softly to Wei Lan. “It won’t happen again.” 

Wei Lan gave an “en.” If he could have his life while keeping watch by this person’s side, even if he drifted and lived without purpose he was willing. Wei Lan smiled in self-mockery. He wasn’t some good person either. 

(T/N: drifted and lived without purpose, dragged out an ignoble existence) 

Behind them, war drums sounded. The war broke out again, and they did not know how many more people would walk the road to the Yellow Springs.

(T/N: Chinese underworld) 

The two people in this place both did not look back. They nestled against each other in the rain. With only each other left between the heavens and earth, they would not feel lonely. 

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IMO Luo Wei loves Wei Lan more than Wei Lan loves Luo Wei. To Luo Wei, Wei Lan is the only person who ever showed him kindness at his lowest point. Wei Lan is his savior and the only one he can relate to. Meanwhile, to Wei Lan, Luo Wei is a beautiful-looking person who shows him generosity, but he doesn’t really know or understand him. Even when he saves Luo Wei in the last life, it isn’t with deep emotional attachment but more general kindness. Also Wei Lan gives me straight boi vibes. IDK those are just my thoughts